Masochistic

This character structure develops when the person grows up where love is conditional. In other words, when certain conditions were met, love was given, and when they weren’t, it was not.
Therefore, the child was made to feel guilty for expressing themselves freely or for asserting their freedom. This child’s mother tends to be very dominating to the child, controlling almost every aspect of the child (even the most basic). The mother also tends to be sacrificing of herself.


The child then grows up quite choked, unable to be free, to make choices, and to express itself.
All such attempts are crushed and lead to humiliation. The child then resorts to holding their feelings and creativity in, but doing so starts to build up anger and hatred within.

This child grows up demanding to be independent, but they haven’t learnt how to. They haven’t learnt how to take their freedom regardless, and to feel OK for expressing themselves. Instead of speaking clearly and truly for themselves, they manipulate their words and mask them with politeness (always trying to please and be nice). When they wish to express
something that they don’t like, instead of saying it flat out, as it is, they express it by indirect whining and complaining designed to manipulate the other person to agreeing with them.

Because as child this person got humiliated and crushed for expressing themselves and their anger when that self expression is interfered with, they have a deep fear of expressing their anger even as adults. They keep it inside because they believe that expressing it will lead to
humiliation. So they walk around with tension that they are unwilling to release because of their fear of humiliation. Their anger and expression turns inwards to become negativity (unexpressed rage, complaints, whining, and so on). They unconsciously love this negativity because it allows them to stay safe by not facing the ‘humiliation of expressing themselves’.
This person tends to have their head thrust forward, have a lot of tension in the neck, throat, pelvis and jaw, and have cold buttocks. They also tend to have their energy chocked in the throat.
This person heals by being free. They free themselves from humiliation by accepting and expressing their aggression (anger) naturally. Aggression (anger) only becomes unnatural because of bottling it up and letting it stew, disconnected from its source. They have to accept that it is ok to be angry and express that at the time without manipulating it for politeness. They
also have to start expressing themselves freely as they like, without repressing or manipulating that expression to ensure that they are ‘nice’. Once healed, this person will find themselves with an amazing amount of creativity, love, caring, compassion, understanding, fun, playfulness, and diplomacy (healthy negotiation).